Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Need help

I need help.
Not doing so well. Not feeling stable, not feeing safe, not feeling secure.
feeling scared. Haven't had to take a test in a long time.
Wishmy life wasbetter, I was younger, slimmer, prettier, had it together. That's what I associate with having it together.

Myabe if I had a maid, and someone to organize my stuff I could do it. I just go home to sleep and eat and see my daughter, nothing else. It's like a storage huse, so much stuff, I need to get rid of those things. It's like a burden on me with all that stuff.
Worse, I sometimes feel like I'm keeping it togehter, other times feel like things are like sand slipping out of my hands and i can't do it.
I'm at PGY1 level.
PGY1 was all a blur, went by fast. I survived. I want to grow as a PGY2, I want my dreams and goals achieved. I feel like I'm at a river with my goals and dreams at the other side, I'm at the opposite side and I don't know how to cross. I may be asking people to help but no one wants to take me across, I really almost need a guide someone to take my hand. I didn't think I could be so dependent. My husband is wonderful has taken the majority brunt of everything, he deserves the best and more mashAllah.
Where is the person I used to be? She was amazing, so pasionate. Who am I now? I don't recognize her? I'm just a mess. I'm falling apart. Almost don't even want to wear Hijab. Then, is this a fall from religion thing? It must be, it must be a depressioon. Allah swt was always my first go to.
My hair has even been cut twice recently, all lver the place still a mess. My breasts are too big, my stomach is too big, I hate it. My bras suck, they are still in pumping bras hence saggy. Sona won't feed from me anymore. Studying is going slower. Back pain killing me. Sigh Allah swt help me please.
Okay sigh gotta go study. xixi

I want to be free but like this pic looking at freedom I feel trapped inside:
DAWNS EDGE VALLEY RIVER DAWN WINDOW SKY Rainy Wallpaper




Living Edge Clear Water Nature Mist Waterfall Niagara Falls Picturehow can i be free again? Sigh

Allah swt help me and give me answers please

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