Still at it

Still feeling a little down.
Not on night float.
Met with Cynthia today for advisor meeting, she said review what goals I have. I don't know what goals to look forward to but know I should have some so it can propel me forward.
Things I know: not praying as often so there's this mild depression that always happens when I don't pray regularly.
I did the PHQ9 it was 1: basically feeling down for one point.  And GAD 7 was 5: mild anxiety to monitor: basically trouble relaxing and becoming irritable.
I also feel like crying sometimes that I feel really overwhelmed; and I don't know what to do.

 

And sometimes I think having another baby was not a good idea, though I'm extremely thankful. I am not sure how I am going to manage with another baby considering current worrying level.  Honestly mostly it's not bad becuase I am at a functional level but underneath there is worry. And I can tell the reasons why:

1) financial: paying bills; and having very high credit card bills; also debt from loans, I am going to have to ask for forbearance. I thought I could pay my loans now but don't think so. (Next year I may just have to choose attending job solely for the salary, though I liked the fellowship idea due to gaining more knowledge. I really need help from Allah swt on that. )

2) maybe due to this or worrying in general, relationship with Ahsan not so great due to underlying mild stress or anxiety and then just getting frustrated with him. Unfort it's not going to get better as he will be on OB next week and then away in Albany, It's going to get very hard. 

Have I lost the ability to be grateful?

I don't know and maybe I have. I have to restart the prayers and find a way to give thanks iA and find myself in regards to who I was with being kind.