Bored

Bored, I feel bored.  Haven't worked since September 13 possibly. Before when I was working out is complaining that I didn't have time to spend with my kids because of those stressed out and I had so many things to think about like take care of the house and I had so many roles to fulfill. However since I stopped working then I thought I'm so stressed out by not working and finances. I still didn't spend time with my kids. I kept feeling or thinking  that they were a burden and I couldn't achieve success in my life because I had them. For example I had always thought I would do a fellowship but I didn't do that because I wanted to work part time so I could be more with my daughters. I realize I won't have this time with them in the future when they go to school I'll want to be with them. A good friend had told me that I was so used to being stressed out all the time that now that I'm not stressed I still need something to keep myself in that high state of energy in my head. This year just January 2019 I told myself I was going to be happy and relax and not be stressed out. Now I do feel better however I feel like I lost those four months with my daughters. Also I talk to my husband who says I've been so redundant with things that he didn't these things over and over again because it's a waste of time however I told him I never really got an answer from him that's why I kept asking him. Now. I guess long-term these things can be good. I've also been focusing on my religion and have started to pray more which I think has helped a lot. I really want Allah to help me I feel like I can be a good person and I just need to be molded into that person. I'm so appreciative of my family and what they have done for me. I want to give them so much thanks in this world and have them have their award in the next world, as I can pray to Allah for that.